Old People...

What is it with crabby old fogies ?

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When did we all agree to let them be crabby old pains in the arses ?

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Why the fuck do they all think the world owes them ? More like the other fucking way round, they owe us !!

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We have to put up with these rude old pricks, deliberatly running us down with thier shopping trollies, nearly running us down with thier cars, and thats all just ok ?

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WHAT THE FUCK !!

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Seriously, if you or i did that, we would get a fair belt in the melon from the people we piss off.

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How many times, have you had the old pricks try a guilt trip on you ? Why should you let them in line before you ? What the fuck have they done for you ?

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Next time one of them pushes thier fucking supermarket trolley into me, i swear im going to fall to the ground, Peter Griffon Family Guy style, holding my knee for 20 mins seething through my teeth. Im gonna embarrass the hell out of one.

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I bet you any money though the old bugger starts trying to turn the story about thier hard fuckin life....

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Fuck If one more rude old person pushes in front of me somewhere, i swear im going to go bananas.

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No one has the right the be a miserable rude prick if it affects other people. If you want to be a rude miserable prick, go and live in the old peoples home with all your mates.

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Fuckin leave me alone !!

Bloody TV Stations !!

Fucking TV Stations...


What the fuck is with these idiots that run TV stations ?

Every time they put a show on that is half good, they fuck it up and take it off after four episodes, and leave us hanging.

Who the fuck are these people that perform the ratings ? are they real or do the stations just make the shit up as they go along ? Because there cant be that many people out there that have no idea what makes interesting Teev.

Then even worse, when they get a nice series flowing well, they shove 2 or 3 repeats into the series for no other reason than to piss you the fuck off.

You bust your ass all day for shit money, and when you come home its nice to look forward to your favourite show, and then the show starts and 30 seconds in, you start thinking, am i losing my fucking mind ? ive seen this shit before, unless i have fallen into some space and time void, and im stuck in ground hog fucking day, or more likely... the TV station is fucking us all over.

THE CUNTS !!!

So now the pricks give us another couple of free channels with FUCK ALL ON THEM !!

Look at this GO! crap, its just fuckin Hogans Heroes and Get Smart every 3 hours. Dont get me wrong, i like Colonel Klink as much as the next man, well... possibly more, but i can only take so fuckin much.

Is it just me, or is watching Hogans Heroes at 9pm at night just fucking messed up ? I grew up watching the adventures of Klink, Schultz, and Hogan and Co after school. Its just not right watching at night ?

Hooooooooooogan !!!

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I think if i see one more rerun of the fucking Nanny TV show, with that fucking annoying bitch, i swear im gonna fly over there and smack her with her own fucking rediculous hairdo. WILL SHE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP !!

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Well, back to these TV fuckheads ....I feel like were being yet again fucked over by some cunt we have no control over. I wanna watch something NEW, FRESH, INTERESTING for fuck sake, i mean how hard can it fucking be ?

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Worst of all im sick and fucking tired of the TV stations fucking with the programs, on the day, so your guide aint worth the paper its written on, and what we all need to do, is turn up at the front door of these cunts that schedule the programs, and beat them around thier empty fucking melons with the TV guide. Then the tools wouldnt fuck with us.

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Is it really that hard to start the programs on time either ? im sick of fucking flipping channels to find that the program i wanted to watch started 5 mine earlier, or that i still have to watch 5 mins of a Jerry fucking Seinfeld rerun from 1990.

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Fuck Me, how hard is it ?

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I give up, fuckit.

Fucking Banks...

You all knew this was coming...

Well, today its these fucking thieving crunts we call Banks.

Seriously, is there a worse place on earth than waiting in a line at a bank ? I mean next time your stuck in line think of this...

Your paying these crunts your hard earned cash for the privelidge of standing there like a fucking moron.

Time to get even kiddies...

Next time, while your standing in line, start shaking your head and looking at the tellers.. make sure your doing it in a very dissaproving manner... be a real annoying crunt... i mean your paying for it right ? Get your fucking moneys worth.

Then start looking at the tellers individually, and as soon as one walks off from thier counter to go to the crapper, of thier shift ends... immediatly say something out loud like " Your kidding me right ?? " dont yell it, just do it in your most sarcastic voice, and humiliate them.

Next look at the person behind you in line and start rubbishing the bank, and again do it nice and loud... something like... "They make 3 billion a year in profit, and we get to stand here like this... " or something like... "They are so slow at this bank, my time is valuable..."... Again, its your money, so have a bitch and get your hard earned moneys worth.

Ofcourse through all this, you should be tapping your foot, and letting out really loud sighs and ofcourse a good eye rolling works well too.

A few good mutterings work well too, but make sure they are just loud enough to be heard... stuff like "Fuck me..."... or a good "For Fucks Sake".... dont forget to keep looking at your watch too... do it every minute or so.

Another good thing is to ring someone on your phone, and make sure you say something to them like "Yeh, im here at (insert bank), and yeh the fuckers are screwing me over again, you want to see the shit service... yeh they are all just a bunch of crunts..." and make it loud.

Make sure you DONT fill in a Deposit slip or Withdrawl slip, make the teller do it, you want your moneys worth right ? .... Tell them you dont have your ID, make em look it up on the computer, to check the signature, and then when they think they will get you back and try to tell you that they cant help you without your ID, tell them you want to see the manager, in fact.. DEMAND it !! When the manager turns up.... pick that instant to remember you actually DO have your ID.

Next tell them you want your money in some wierd combination that makes them think... for example, i want $200 in 4x $10 notes, 6x $5 notes, 1x $50, 4x20's etc, and make sure it doesnt ad up... then when they tell you, change the combination again. This should be good for 3 or 4 times.

When its finally time to leave the shit hole, look at all the other people in line and utter a few comments like... "Hope your not in a hurry"... or "Good luck... your going to need it..."

Go to the little tables with the pens on the end of the chain, and rip a few off the chain, but dont take them, just leave them on the table.

Now go to the enquiry counter and start asking foreign exchange rates, in obscure amounts, stuff like, whats $94.00 Australian against indonesian rupiah ? or how mand dracma's to $123.00 Australian ? then start asking about super or life insurance, and waste some more of thier time, and when they respond always ask them to repeat themselves a few times...

On the way out, make sure you fuck with the ATM. Stick your card in, and if you have a cheque account, keep pressing the Savings button, and then after it keeps fucking up, go in and demand a staff member come out and show you how to use it, and make sure you tell them the machine is fucked and that you were pressing cheque all the time.

Now the most important part of all ?

MAKE SURE YOU COME BACK AND DO THIS AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK..

Lets face it... the banks are CRUNTS and its time you got something back at the dicks...

Its your money, so fuckem. Seriously... what are they gonna do ? charge you more ?

Thanks...

The Angry Man.

Fuckwit Drivers....

Idiots on our roads i tells ya...

Seriously, how the fuck do some people get a drivers licence ? I mean really, surely the various state Authorities cant be that incompetant to hand out licences to all these people that cant drive a greasy stick up a camels arse.

Does Kellogs really hand them out in Corn Flake boxes ? Maybe its not actually a joke ? maybe its true ? Because there is no logical way they can legally have a licence.

How often do you take an on ramp to get onto a freeway only to come to a complete stop, because the fucking idiot at the end of the ramp, has stopped, instead of matching the traffic speed and merging ? Where the fuck do these idiots get thier licences from ? Were back at Mr Kellog again arent we ?

The government is pushing this wipe off 5 to sumthin sumthin.... (I dont pay attention to those shitty ads). Well why the fuck do i get stuck by the one fuckwit that watches the ad and then puts it into practice ? Where the fuck does this tool get off holding me up ? When did i vote for him to use up my time ?

FOR FUCKS SAKE.

Then we have Mr or Ms "The law doesnt apply to me".... youve seen the fucking idiots in the carparks, parking wherever they want.... the guy or woman in the Merc worth 200 grand, parked in the loading zone, or even the handicapped spot... I must admit over the years to taking out a fair amount of aggression on these fuckwits, and giving them a serve. One of my favoutite moves is to park right next to them if im in the company ute, and leave about 2mm of clearance between the cars so the dumb shits cant get into thier car.

I have actually had one dickhead once try to give me a serve when i got back to the ute.... well i served him back, and proceeded to sit in my ute, and make a few phone calls and make the knob wait longer... Maybe the stooge will think twice before doing it again.... But we both know probably not..

Ive always wanted to fit one of this dot matrix flashing signs you see in the front of take away shops, to my back window, and a little keyboard on my dashboard, so i can type messages to the fuckwit drivers of the world as i pass them...

Let me introduce you to some of the fuckheads on our roads that Mr Kellog has a lot to answer for....

MR CHICKEN SHIT....

This fuckwit drives with thier foot contstantly on the brake pedal no matter what speed they are driving... and taps the brake every time they see anything remotely interesting, heaven forbid a car comes near them because they panic and slam the brakes on. There is a special place in hell reserved for this wanker...

MR SHORT SIGHTED....

We have all met this stooge, this is the guy that jabs the brakes when your following him about 200mts behind, because he is so short sighted he thinks your in his boot. This particular idiot constantly thinks your tailgating him, and ignores the 200m gap behind him...

MR RICE BURNER RACE CAR DRIVER...

We all know this joke, he drives a bog stock hyundai with an exhaust tip so big that it puts a Kenworth to shame... Look, each to thier own, but why do these guys seem it so important to gun the car up to the lights, or the traffic in front of them, and then blip the throttle every 2 seconds, and seriously the noise the car makes is like a fart in a bathtub....

MR OVERTAKER...

Then we have this stupid crunt.... this is the dick that overtakes us, only to pull in front of us and slow down again, forcing us to overtake him, and pull in front, then ofcourse, he is furious, and doesnt realise his own stupidity, and does it all over again... Seriously i want a cow catcher like on the front of that truck in Mad Max... only a little nudge will sort it...



Ahhh fuck the lot of them, i could fill 50 pages with these idiots.


Once again... thanks for reading...

The Angry Man.

Women !!!

The Fairer Sex..

Why oh why have all us males been wired the way we have.... We chase after these women, and the ones that are the most destructive to our lives, are the ones we chase the most...

Were born to run after these women, and the nutty ones seem to attract us the most.

We let ourselves be dragged in by these evil creatures, and they thoroughly enjoy taking apart our lives, making us miserable, and...

...DRIVING US FUCKING INSANE...

No sentence drives a man to want to top ourselves, more than the chestnut i will now disclose...

Set the picture.... you have just come home from work, you have had an absolute crunt of a day, you nearly strangled your boss, you fought with everyone on the way home, you got cut off 4 times on the freeway, and even had a flat tyre on the freeway.

...You walk in the door, and your beloved... your one reason for living.... your true love is in the foulest mood you have ever seen. Literlally, if you lost your winning tattslotto ticket you wouldnt be this angy...

So you think... what the hell ? i will stick my head in the lions mouth, and i will do the right thing and ask her....

So you ask.... and you get this responce...

"If you dont know, im not going to tell you...."

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You Pause.... then it hits you like a fucking sledge hammer to the head...

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ARGHHHHHHHHH !!!

WHAT THE FUCK DID I ASK FOR ????!!!

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Be Honest... how many times have you wanted to answer this question....

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"Do these pants make my butt look big ?"

With the response...

"No Dear, your ASS MAKES THE PANTS LOOK BIG..."

Come on admit it...

Then there is the whole car thing...

Recently, a friend told me of a story....

Over dinner with his loving wife, she mentions to him that the car needs oil, he says.. oh really dear ? why is that ? She replies with..... "Because the oil light has been on all week, and the engine is really noisy...."

Ofcourse we all know the oil light.... is referred to by mechanics... as the "Too Late Light"...

Seriously though, what other choice do we have ? they drive us insane, destroy our lives, send us to the grave early, and we still keep going back for more...



Truth is, were the ones with the problems... not them.



Cheers



Angry-Man.

Govern-ment.

FUCKING GOVERNMENT !!


What the Fucking Hell is wrong with these people we elect ?


Is our gene pool really becoming that shallow that we have to elect the people that we do ?

Surely a trained chimpanzee could do a better job ? Actually, i take that back, im SURE the chimp could do a better job.

I was watching that Julia Gillard being interviewed a few nights ago, and they were asking her what is was like to be incharge while K-Rudd is away.

3 times the woman kept steering the conversation back to her claiming to have single handedly saved the modern world from imminent destruction by dismantling Howards workchoices.

Julia... im afraid dear, that no one really gives a fuck darl, and frankly, youd be doing us all a favour and not reminding us that you are currently incharge of the country, because thats something we really dont want to know. Because you in charge of our proud nation, scares us all more than the thought of being castrated with a rusty shovel and no anesthetic.

Julia dear, i dont think it would be possible to find a more unatractive woman, and your voice seriously makes people cringe. Please do us all a favour...

.....AND SHUT THE FUCK UP !!

Julia darl, please do us all another favour too please, keep your ugly mug off the TV, so we can all keep our dinner down. Seriously i think most of us would rather have our eyes carved out with a rusty nail than have to look at your melon whilst we out our dinner.

We all know your only filling the seat of a guy that will run the economy into the toilet so far that we will all eventually vote Labour out, and vote the Libs back in, then eventually vote the Libs back out and Labour back in.

Your no better than the last one, and you wont be any better than the next one, or worse for that matter....

YOUR ALL AS FUCKING USELESS AS EACHOTHER !!

We all know the cycle, we have all seen it before. Only the names change, not the scenery....

Then ofcourse we have all the hundreds and im sure thousands of goverment departments that we all spend our hard earned dollars on funding...

Im sure everyone reading this has spent an inordinate amount of time on the phone to some obscure goevernment departmant that just fucks us over.

No doubt we ring into these goverment departments, and they no doubt all sit at thier desk, laughing at us as we sit there on hold.

Cant you just see them laughing and pointing at huge flashing switchboards saying to thier work mates that they cant talk to this guy, hes only been on hold for 20 mins, he needs another 10 mins....

FARK !!!!!!!

No doubt this government department will require some obscure bit of paperwork from us for them to do what we want them to....

"Im sorry sir, i cant release that refund to you without a signed statement from your pre school teacher, confiriming that you didnt drink that glass if milk on the 12th of Nov 1975, and then you will have to get it notorised by either a minister of the church of scientology or a certified practising member of some obscure cult that was exterminated during the spanish inquisition and we will ofcourse require the original copy..."

Ofcourse they will lose that piece of paper, and then you will have to do it all over again, but we both know that you will eventually just give up and forget about it alltogether.....

Cheers,

The Angry-Man.

The Freakin Supermarket...

Man what is it with people ?

last night i went to the local supermarket, being as today was hotter than the surface of the Sun, and the whole weekend and Monday is going to be so hot that people burst into flames for no reason, i thought id stock up on food so i dont have to come back for a few days.

The heat and the Angry Man dont get along at all...

Well I digress....

I got there after work, and walk into the supermarket through a carpark that is so hot i swear my shoes were sticking to the bitumen.

Well first off i forgot to take a farken $1.00 coin to get a god damn farking cunnova trolley.

Why the fark do they make you do that ? are the trolleys only worth $1.00 to them ? Seriously it serves no bloody purpose but to piss you off. Why have to stick 1 freakin dollar in ?

For fark sake...

So i cave in and take the stoopid basket, that is gonna hold bugger all...

Well, i walk around the supermarket with all the crying screaming little vermin snot sucking kids, and finally get all my crap, and walk to the checkout...

WHAT THE FARK !! there is like 2 people serving and the line is long enough to reach half way to the moon.


WHY DOES THE WORLD KEEP FUCKING ME OVER !!!!


Well i pick the lane with the fewest people waiting.... and then after two people in front of me get served, i finally realise the lanes arent long beacuse there are lots of people...

ITS LONG BECAUSE I HAVE THE WORLDS SLOWEST CHECK OUT CHICK !!


Argggghhhhh !!!


Well 10 mins later im not quite up to the checkout, but i glance back and count 12 people bahind me...

Its just then that i notice that they are opening another checkout and for fark sake, what happens next made me loose it...

THE CHECKOUT CHICK GESTURES TO THE PERSON AT THE END OF THE LINE TO COME TO HER CHECKOUT !!!


WHAT THE FARKEN HELL IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE !!


The people at the end of the line just walked up 30 seconds ago, and they get to jump the line !!!

Ive been standing there 10 minutes...

ARGHHHHHHH !!!

Man by the time i got to the checkout i was peaking....

I paid for my crap and left.

The world just keeps fucking us all over....


Thanks for reading....

The Angry-Man.

Traffic light morons !!!

Hello meat puppets, today the idiot section of our wonderful little community we call the human race that im going to discuss is the Idiot that sits at the GREEN traffic lights.

A few days ago, Im out picking up some things for work, and i come to a Red traffic light. Im the second car back from the lights.

The car infront houses a lady, that ive just noticed has taken it upon herself to do her makeup, and keep talking on her mobile phone....

The lights go green, and she is still parked there doing her makeup.... ARGHHHHHHH!!!

So i give a POLITE tap on the horn, not a big blast, just a tap... but the woman in front thinks shes obviously a supermodel and needs the makup piled on with a spatula coz she aint paying attention, she just keeps piling it on.

A bit longer blast on the horn and shes looking around to see whos beeping her, then returns to doing the makeup, oblivious that there are other people in the world besides her...

Ok now im about to lose it...

I hit the horn and dont let up, and madam butterfly sticks her head out the widown yells at me and asks what i want....

So i yells back...

I WANT YOU TO FARKEN GO FOR FARK SAKE, THE LIGHTS ARE GREEN !!

So she looks at the lights, finally realises that she is holding up about half a dozen people and takes off flailing her arms around like were all being nasty to her !!

I get ready to take off and guess what ?

LIGHTS GO FARKEN WELL RED !!!

ARGHHHHHHHHHH !!!

What is the matter with people !!

Cheers

Angry-Man.

Drive Thru !!

Well... tonight on the way home from work, i decided that ive been good lately, been going for a good 45 min walk every night, been eating well, and cutting back on the coffee at work.

So i decided to give myself a little reward.... that i was going to regret very very shortly...

So i head for Macdonalds on the way home, and head for the drive thru...

I pull in and see this car parked at the menu board just parked there.... so i wait a min or two, and the guy still just sits there reading the board... so now im getting a little miffed, and the guy still sits there....

Im losing patience now, beacuse to me it feels like an eternity has passed, and then they Angry Man comes out and starts thinking....

IF YOU WANT TO READ THE FARKING MENU... GET OUT OF YOUR STINKIN CAR, WALK INTO THE STORE AND READ THE FARKEN MENU... FOR FARK SAKE !!

I mean isnt the drive thru meant to be quick ?

So anyway, captain slow finally takes off from the menu board, (My horn might have helped that along, but i cant be sure.... :)... and then he gets to the window and hands the girl a hand full of coins and drops half of them on the ground...

OBVIOUSLY, i didnt know i was behind the brain surgeon that practices at the back of the local penny arcade... and he gets out of his car and starts picking up all the coins...

So after the girl counts all this dicks money, he is short and i can see the farken idiot fumbling around inside his car looking for more change...

By this time im eyeing off a handfull of change in my console in my car and thinking i should throw the lot at him, and how great it would all look protruding from his forehead...

So finally he pays the girl and proceeds to the collection window...

Now the moron takes he bag that looks like it contains nothing more than a junior burger, he opens the bag and proceeds to pull the bun off the burger and start looking at its contents WHILE HE IS STILL AT THE BLOODY WINDOW...

Weelll... finally captain brainiac takes off and i get to collect my greasy take away... and swear to myself never a farken gain....

But we both know there WILL be a next time...

Cheers,

ANGRY-MAN

Intro !!

Ok, firstly thanks for coming to have a read of my blog, i havent done anything like this before, so its all new for me.

I have a number of freinds that i bitch to daily about the things that crank me up, and they keep telling me to get a Blog, coz its gonna make people laugh.

Well here goes !!

Yours Un-Faithfully...

The AnGrY MaN !!

:)